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Topic (from Argument)
The following appeared in a memorandum from the directors of a security consulting service.

"Despite its downtown location, the Rialto Movie Theater, a local institution for five decades, must make big changes or close its doors forever. It should follow the example of the new Apex Theater in the mall outside of town. When the Apex opened last year, it featured a video arcade, plush carpeting and seats, and a state-of-the-art sound system. Furthermore, in a recent survey, over 85 percent of respondents reported that the high price of newly released movies prevents them from going to the movies more than five times per year. Thus, if the Rialto intends to hold on to its share of a decreasing pool of moviegoers, it must offer the same features as Apex."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


This argument concludes that the five decades old theater, Rialto Movie Theater must make big changes or close its doors forever although it is at downtown location. The arguer point out an example of the new Apex Theater in the mall outside of town which opened last year featured the modern system. However, I think this conclusion is unpersuasive. The argument is based on a number of assumptions that are not supported with adequate evidence.

Corrections:
This argument concludes that the fifty-year-old Rialto Movie Theater located downtown must undergo major renovations in order to compete with the new Apex Theater or go out of business. However, I think this conclusion is unpersuasive. The argument is based on a number of assumptions that are not supported with adequate evidence.

Comments:
If you simply repeat the argument using the same words as in the question, the tester will ignore what you have written. It is important to show that you understand the argument by using your own words to express the same point.
Instead of ‘five decades old’ say ‘fifty-year-old’; ‘must undergo major renovations’ sounds better and more business-like than just ‘must make big changes’.
When I read the first sentence, the first thing I thought was ‘why do they need to renovate?’ so you need to explain the issue or points in more detail. In this case, the reason behind the renovation is to be able compete with the new theater.


The biggest problem is that there is no evidence if the theater with the good device and system in downtown will lead to many people. It is true that better system in a theater offer more enjoyment, but people’s choice depend on many aspects. The arguer tells us that downtown is a good location, but it may not be a good location nowadays. Many people now tend to shop at the big shopping mall with a large parking. Once you go shopping mall, you have everything there. Thus there is no evidence that people go to theater in downtown even it is renewed.

Corrections:
The biggest problem is that no evidence was shown that if the theater were to offer better amenities that it would attract more people. It is true that a better sound system offers more enjoyment, but people’s choice may depend on other factors as well. The writer tells us that downtown is a good location, but it may no longer be a good location nowadays. Many people these days tend to shop at big shopping malls with a large parking area because a shopping mall has everything there. Thus there is no evidence that people would go to a theater in the downtown area even if it were renovated.

Comments:
The first sentence of a main paragraph represents your key point so it’s important to make it strong and clear. In this case, it is not clear what you mean by ‘good device and system’ since the words ‘device and system’ are general in nature. You could say ‘a better sound system’ but I don’t know what you mean by ‘devices’. I changed the wording to ‘amenities’ which means things that offer comfort and convenience.

Overall, I think you explained yourself well. Two of the sentences were rather simple and short-one was about parking and the other about how the mall has everything. Since they are both talking about the benefits of a mall, I thought it was more effective to put the sentences together.

In my experience, I haven’t heard the word ‘arguer’ used before, I think ‘writer’ or ‘author’ are better choices as they are not as strong sounding.


Second problem is that the arguer assumes that people will pay high price for a movie if they renew the theater. However, the augur does not provide enough information for that. People may just prefer to stay home and watch movies by renting DVD to pay a lot of money to watch movies at the theater. In addition since arguer does not provide the movie price at the Apex theater and their profit, we can not tell renewing a theater with a lot of many can pay at the end.

Corrections:
The second problem is that the writer assumes that people will pay the high price of seeing a movie at a downtown theater if it was modernized. However, the writer does not provide enough survey data to support his assumption. People may just prefer to stay home and watch rental movies on DVD rather than spend a lot of money at a movie theater. In addition, since the writer does not provide any information on the profits from Apex Theater, we cannot determine whether spending a lot of money for renovations would pay off at the end.

Comments:
While you have some good points here, it is not easy to understand what you want to say. You need to explain the points better.

I felt that one of the problems is that the Rialto is located downtown and as we know many towns are losing their downtown shops to the bigger and newer malls located just outside town. So I would include that point that it is a downtown theater that is trying to compete with the new theater. So, instead of limiting the sentence to ‘
people will pay high price for a movie if they renew the theater’, I would add that people would pay a higher price to see a movie at a downtown theater and also using the verb ‘modernize’ creates a better image than simply ‘renew’.

Here is another example on expanding what you are saying: not enough survey data to support that assumption sounds better than simply ‘
enough information for that’. Information is such a broad and general term; what kind of information do you mean? ‘Survey data’ or ‘market research’ or even ‘facts’ identifies what kind of information you require.
Ending a sentence with ‘that’ is not as strong as repeating that it is ‘his assumption’ that is in question.


In conclusion, the arguer fails to notice the current trend of people’s lifestyle and its profits. To strength the argument, the arguer would have to provide evidence of what kind of theater location is preferable to people and, and if they are willing to pay high price or not.

Corrections:
In conclusion, the writer fails to take into account the current lifestyle of the people in the community. To strengthen the argument, evidence should be provided to show which movie theater location people prefer; downtown or in the mall. As well as additional data to show that people are willing to pay the high price of seeing a movie at a downtown location at a newly modernized theater. Finally, a business plan should be prepared to show the projected profits taking into consideration the costs of renewal.

Comments:
When you include ‘peoples’ lifestyle’ and ‘profits’ in the same sentence, it sounds like they are connected somehow but in this case I don’t think they are so I separated them into two sentences. I wrote some sentences to show you how to expand on the points mentioned: preferred movie location and paying cost of movie.
I grouped together the sentences that refer to ‘lifestyle’ followed by the issue of possible ‘profits’.

Notes:
When you write, think about who your audience is. Assume the reader does not have the same knowledge and experience about the topic as you do. You will be required to provide more detail and explain yourself better. That way, you will catch the reader’s attention by presenting your ideas in a strong and confident way.
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